Help Wanted: Henchman

We are recruiting a loyal and dependable Henchman to support our villain. This is an entry-level role perfect for those looking to start a career in evil. Due to the high staff turnover in this role, both full- and part-time hours can be provided.

The Henchman will be expected to do the following:

  • Lurk
  • Line up to fight the hero one at a time
  • Guard things, but not particularly well
  • Fall for any and all incredibly transparent distractions
  • Loom
  • Clean up after dramatic fight scenes
  • Follow the villain’s instructions

The successful henchman will:

  • Go “hur hur hur” instead of just laughing
  • Take things excessively literally
  • Crack their knuckles menacingly
  • Fall asleep on guard duty at plot-critical moments
  • Fold their arms in a threatening manner
  • Chime in with “that’s right, boss” at appropriate points

Note: any candidates with excessive levels of personality will not be considered for this position, but will be encouraged to apply for an alternative evil role.

The successful candidate will be provided with a uniform to match the villain’s aesthetic, comprehensive medical care, and an excellent life insurance package. Should you survive in the role for more than six months, you will automatically be enrolled in our Villain-in-Training programme, as you have clearly demonstrated a level of competence which is not appropriate for this role. Should you not survive in the role for more than six months, a full funeral care package will be provided, and your family will be compensated.

How to apply: please lurk around outside the agency’s offices looking sinister and corner a member of the HR department, telling them that “the boss has a message for you”. Please note that candidates who do not deliver their own application, but instead deliver someone else’s, will be favourably noted.

– The Trope Recruitment Agency

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